Thursday, August 25, 2011

I wasn't ready--she's gone

Please ignore any mistakes I may make as I am writing this through the tears streaming down my face. My body is numb and my heart literally hurts. I wasn't ready for this, I lost my gram, who was my mother, my protector, my guardian, my heart. The woman who took me when no one else wanted me. The woman who stood by me through all of life's trials.
I have a huge respect for the grandparents raising their grandchildren because of her. She was 39 years old when I was born. So young, so beautiful. The years stripped away that  vibrancy though and recently she was just a shadow of the woman she once was, but she still laughed and made me laugh.
I was lucky the past few weeks to help take care of her, to repay some of the caring she did for me. I guess in the end I could never repay all she'd done. I am so much like her. She taught me strong morals I hold onto to this day. We were only different in that she never hesitated to tell people what she thought.
The past few weeks when I had the baby with me she'd tell me I was such a good baby like him. She told me when I would say the crazy things Devony did, you never acted like that Stephy. I know shes lying though cause I was the one who drank Liquid Gold and ate poison berries, lights off Christmas trees etc etc. I was a handful, but she kept me. If it hadn't been for her God knows where I'd be right now.
I can't write too much right now as my heart is breaking. I'll close this with the world lost a strong woman today, a brave woman, a smart woman, and above all a loving woman. The world lost a woman who raised her children, her grandchild, and eventually she raised a great grandchild. Nothing will ever fill the void when I have something I need to talk about, something exciting and I can't call her. Nothing will ever be able to stitch together that tear in my heart, or the memories that are now bitter sweet.
Good-bye Grandma. Thank you for making me who I am, for standing up and clinging to me when everyone else let go and said they didn't care. Thank you for always believing me, and hoping for me, praying for me, and most of all Gram, thank you for loving.


  1. oh steph, I am in tears now too. I am soooooooo sorry for your loss. :o( Many huge hugs to you friend!

  2. dammit Steph, my morning coffee is supposed to be sweet, not salted with tears for your heartbreak!

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

  4. Sorry Steph, I can't imagine how much you are hurting right now. She sounds like she was an amazing, loving, patient woman when you needed one most. Take care and know she is watching over you.