Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Now that's just gross!

Talking to my friend this morning I am reminded of some of the gross stuff that has happened in my house. Keep in mind while reading this that these incidents are spanned out over 13 years and seven kids! If you have a weak stomach stop reading now.

The great puke slip and slide:
This is one of the grossest things that has ever happened to me. My daughter was about six at the time and had a bad stomach bug. She went running for the bathroom, but didn't quite make it and vomited on the floor. She was crying so I went running to help her. I didn't see the puke and went sliding across the hallway floor into the bathroom. Needless to say she stopped crying and was laughing at me. Yeah, real funny. That's what I get for trying to be super mommy and save the day!

Poop is not paint:
My daughter (Notice a pattern her the girls did most of the gross stuff) was about a year and a half old when this infamous event occurred. I was going up the stairs to get her out of her crib when I smelled something. I knew before I got into her room something very nasty had happened. There she stood in her crib, happy as can be, covered head to toe in poop. It was in her hair, her teeth, between her toes, and under her nails. My husband carried her down the stairs at arms length telling her how nasty she was.
I surveyed her room. Everything within her reach from the crib had a nice coating of crap on it. She even managed to get the curtains. Her artistic ability showed even then. It took me over two hours to wash away all the poop. It was even rubbed up and down every crib rail. I wish I could say this was my only experience with poop painting, it's not.

Hey, that's not a....
Yes, bodily fluids. They are all nasty and yet we find humor in others misfortune with them. Why though, does the misfortune always have to happen to me? I won't mention which children did the following, nor will I go into detail. I'll just put my immediate responses to the situations.

Cat water bowls are not a toilet!!
Stop, don't poop on the floor, big girls use the potty.
Don't ever and I mean ever pee in the toy box again!
Don't wipe that on your sister!
Are you F**king serious right now?
Eww, put the toilet paper back in the toilet, now you need a bath!

Yeah, that's not chocolate!:
This is the story that led to this post. Devony had a bunch of hard poop balls in her diaper. I wasn't paying attention when I was changing her and she must have snatch one. Next thing I know she's putting something in her mouth, spits and yells Poooooop, Poooooop! I admit I laughed at that one.

I hope you all got a laugh out of the sampling of nastiness that I have had to deal with over the years. There are many a days when I sit back and say might as well get a puppy!

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