What I say vs what my kids hear

Teens:

Me: No
They hear: I don't want you to have any fun, ever, for the rest of your life

Me: Give me five minutes
They hear: I'm so incredibly busy that I can't be bothered with you right now

Me: That wasn't your best idea ever.
They hear: You're stupid.



Preteens:

Me: No
They hear: This is open for debate for as long as it takes for you to drive me crazy enough I say yes.

Me: Give me five minutes
They hear: Just go do it yourself and don't screw it up or I'll yell why didn't you wait the five freaking minutes.

Me: That wasn't your best idea ever.
They hear: try it again, but in a different way next time and hope for a better result.


Kids:

Me: No
They hear: I just want to be a big meany pants

Me: Give me five minutes
They hear: Give me five minutes even though I know that's like FOREVER!

Me: That wasn't your best idea ever.
They hear: Man you screwed that up better ask before doing that one again.


Toddlers:

Me: No
They hear: Do it again when I'm not looking.

Me: Give me five minutes
They hear: Come back in 30 seconds

Me: That wasn't a very good thing to do
They hear: way to go on breaking that vase. I've never seen anything shatter quite so beautifully.



See you thought it would get better with age ;)