This is something you should know long before you have a preteen daughter. Call this my public service announcement since one day this will happen to you. It's okay o be in denial now if you have younger girls, I was! Please heed what I am about to teach you. These are the things you should never say to a preteen:
Did you do the dishes? This can also g for laundry, room cleaning etc. Never word your question this way! Your preteens likely response: OMG (The letters not the words) mom, why do I have to do everything around here? or I will in a little bit (A little bit means yeah right, like that's going to happen). What you should say is, Honey, mommy loves you so much. You're not the type of kid who would yell at me or not take care of your responsibilities. By wording it all nicely like that they don't know how to respond. If that fails say, Hey, get out there and do the dishes...then duck.
Never ask them about their friends you don't know on facebook. There are exceptions to this rule. As a parent you will know the exceptions. If your just curious if the other person your child friended is a bully, trouble maker, etc. Wait til your preteen is in bed and then go onto their facebook (If your kids are on facebook you should have the password). You're right it's an invasion of privacy if invasion of privacy existed in my house, which it don't. If your my child your business is my business until you have a job, an apartment, and are over the age of 30.
Never tell your child they look like you. This leaves you open for attacks later. Trust me preteens are creative. My daughter got me good once. She told me she was ugly. I said baby you're beautiful. She said, no I'm not because I look just like you. I didn't know how to respond to that one so I laughed, which resulted in a door slamming episode.
Never comment on a band, show, or movie that was releases within the last year. This will result in you being told how totally uncool you are and reminded that you are in fact old.
This is probably the most important. Never, for the love of God, never ask about boys!!! I don't feel the need to explain this one as I hope you will just follow my advise and never ever do it.
The list goes on, but these are the most important. Asking questions can be tricky. You have to know your child's mood in the moment. If your preteens in a bad mood just asking about their day can set them off.
What we've learned:
Never start a sentence with will you, can you, did you, or could you.
No Facebook questions unless necessary
Do not say they look like you
Don't try to know the hits of today
NEVER ASK ABOUT BOYS!